Understanding Emotion Regulation
in Children: The Science of
Emotion Regulation

Emotion Regulation in Children: What Is It and Why It Is Important

Emotional dysregulation, often referred to as ED, is a frequent challenge among children and teenagers and is connected to various disorders like ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, personality disorders, and self-harm.

Research indicates that between 26 and 30.5% of children visiting psychiatric clinics experience ED, with symptoms such as intense tantrums, low tolerance for frustration, aggression, and negative moods [1].

In this blog post, we’ll examine the science behind how children’s brains develop the ability to manage emotions, identify age-appropriate emotional milestones, and explain why some children find it more challenging to handle their feelings compared to others.

What is Emotion Regulation in Children?

Emotion regulation is the skill of recognizing, managing, and responding to emotions in a balanced and healthy manner.

You can think of it as a child’s internal emotional thermostat. It helps them reduce intense feelings like anger and frustration and enhance positive emotions when needed. This ability involves recognizing their emotions, understanding the reasons behind them, and selecting suitable responses instead of being overwhelmed by their feelings.

Emotion Regulation and Its Vital Role in Child Development

For children, developing emotional intelligence during childhood forms the basis for most areas of their life.

When children can manage their emotions, they make better choices, solve problems more efficiently, and handle setbacks with greater resilience. Children who develop these skills early on tend to have better concentration, greater control over impulses, and stronger relationships with both peers and adults.

Children who learn emotion regulation earlier on are better at managing stress, which has a direct impact on their physical health. They are less likely to face long-term anxiety, depression, or behavioral problems as they grow older. These children also tend to be more creative and innovative because they are not constantly battling internal emotional turmoil, allowing them mental space for thinking, exploring, and imagining.

Raising an emotionally intelligent child involves providing them with tools that are useful in all areas of life.

When a five-year-old learns to take deep breaths before reacting to disappointment, they are developing the same neural pathways they will use as adults to manage stress at work or in relationships.

The Science Behind Emotional Development in Children

How the Brain Develops Emotional Processing

The brain undergoes significant changes during childhood, with emotional processing abilities emerging gradually via different developmental stages.

At birth, a child’s brain contains most of the neurons it will ever have, but the connections between them are still forming. The prefrontal cortex, the brain’s control center for reasoning, planning, and regulating emotions, does not fully mature until around age 25 [2]. The limbic system, which includes the amygdala and hippocampus, develops early and handles basic emotions such as fear, joy, and attachment [3]. This explains why young children often experience strong emotions without the ability to manage them well.

Their emotional system (limbic system) is fully active, but their control system (prefrontal cortex) is still developing. During the preschool years, children start developing the neural pathways that will eventually allow them to pause, think, and choose their responses rather than just reacting impulsively.

The process of myelination plays a key role in this development. Myelin is a fatty substance that surrounds nerve fibers, enabling electrical impulses to travel faster and more efficiently. As myelination progresses through childhood and adolescence, the connections between emotion centers and reasoning centers become stronger and more reliable [4].

Teaching emotional intelligence to children works best when parents understand these developmental limits. Rather than expecting children to have adult-like self-control, we can offer support while their internal systems grow. This may include helping them identify their feelings, providing comfort during overwhelming moments, and gradually introducing coping strategies as their brain develops.

Why Children’s Emotional Reactions Differ from Adults

Children’s brains are structured differently than adult brains, resulting in emotional reactions that can seem exaggerated or confusing to adults.

The emotional experiences children have are also different physiologically. Their nervous systems are more sensitive, leading to stronger emotional reactions and slower recovery. A minor annoyance to an adult can feel overwhelming to a child because they haven’t developed the life experience or cognitive skills to understand and contextualize situations.

Children also haven’t developed emotional granularity, which is the ability to distinguish between similar emotions. While an adult might recognize they are feeling frustrated, disappointed, or overwhelmed, a child may only understand they feel “bad” [5]. This limited emotional vocabulary makes it harder for them to express their needs or find suitable coping strategies.

In addition, children are naturally egocentric, not due to selfishness but because of their stage of cognitive development. They struggle to understand that others have different viewpoints, which can affect their ability to manage emotions in social settings. When encouraging emotional intelligence in preschoolers, parents should actively teach perspective-taking skills along with emotional awareness.

The role of stress hormones in childhood emotional reactions

When children face emotional challenges, their bodies release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, just like adults do. However, children's stress response systems are more sensitive and take longer to calm down [6]. This biological reality significantly impacts their ability to learn and practice emotional regulation skills.

Chronic stress in childhood can actually alter brain development, particularly in areas responsible for memory, learning, and emotional control. High levels of cortisol over extended periods can shrink the hippocampus and interfere with the development of neural connections in the prefrontal cortex. This creates a cycle where stressed children have an even harder time managing emotions, leading to more stress.

The good part is that nurturing relationships and supportive surroundings can help counter these effects. When raising an emotionally intelligent child, parents serve as external regulators, helping children's nervous systems calm down through co-regulation. This might involve speaking in soothing tones, offering physical comfort, or simply staying present during difficult moments.

Understanding stress hormones also explains why traditional punishment often backfires with emotionally dysregulated children. When a child is flooded with stress hormones, their brain is in survival mode and cannot access higher-order thinking skills needed for learning or behavior change. Instead of punishment, children need help returning to a calm state before any meaningful teaching can occur.

Parents can support healthy stress hormone regulation by maintaining predictable routines, ensuring adequate sleep, providing nutritious meals, and teaching simple breathing techniques. These foundational elements create the optimal conditions for developing emotional intelligence in childhood.

How Emotional Skills Impact Academic Performance and Social Relationships

Developing strong emotional skills significantly impacts both academic performance and classroom dynamics [7]. Children who manage their emotions perform better in school because emotional regulation helps keep the brain calm and focused, supporting attention, working memory, and problem-solving. They also demonstrate enhanced reading comprehension, connecting with story characters and understanding complex motivations. Students with emotional awareness can recognize and respond to others’ feelings, collaborate more effectively on group projects, and help classmates navigate challenges, creating a positive learning environment for everyone.

Developing emotional skills also enhances social connections and life-long benefits. Children who can identify and express their feelings appropriately form deeper friendships, handle disappointments without anger, and learn to compromise, share, and comfort peers. These early skills carry into adolescence and adulthood, helping teens navigate peer pressure and adults build meaningful personal and professional relationships.

Recognizing Signs Your Child Struggles with Emotional Control

Common Behavioral Indicators of Poor Emotion Regulation

Children who struggle with emotion regulation often display specific patterns that alert parents and caregivers. Frequent meltdowns over minor issues serve as one of the clearest indicators. These aren't typical tantrums but intense emotional explosions that seem disproportionate to the triggering event. A child might have a complete breakdown when asked to put on shoes or when a favorite cup isn't available.

Here are some common behavioral indicators of poor emotion regulation in children:

• Frequent intense meltdowns over minor issues, beyond typical tantrums.

• Difficulty transitioning between activities; gets stuck in emotional states.

• Emotional extremes, swinging between intense joy and deep sadness.

• High emotional intensity affecting sleep, eating, and social interactions.

• Aggressive behaviors toward siblings, peers, or adults when frustrated.

How Young Is Too Young to Start Emotion Regulation

Parents often wonder when to begin teaching emotional intelligence for kids, but the truth is that emotion regulation support starts from infancy. Babies learn regulation through co-regulation with caregivers who respond to their cues with soothing actions and calm voices [8].

The key lies in matching instruction to developmental capacity rather than waiting for a specific age. Even very young children benefit from consistent, patient guidance in understanding and managing their emotional responses.

Age-Appropriate Emotional Milestones in Kids

Different ages bring specific emotional capabilities that parents should monitor. Infants typically begin showing basic emotional expressions like joy and distress within the first few months. By 6-12 months, babies demonstrate stranger anxiety and separation distress, showing they're forming emotional attachments.

Toddlers between 12 and 24 months begin to show self-conscious emotions such as pride and shame. They begin using simple words to express basic feelings and can follow simple emotion-related instructions like "gentle touches" or "quiet voice."

Preschoolers develop more complex emotional understanding between ages 3-5. They learn to identify emotions in themselves and others, understand that people can feel multiple emotions simultaneously, and begin connecting emotions to specific situations or events.

School-age children expand their emotional vocabulary significantly and develop empathy skills. They understand that emotions have internal and external causes and can begin discussing feelings in more nuanced ways.

When Emotional Outbursts Signal Deeper Regulation Challenges: 4 signs to look out for

Normal childhood tantrums differ significantly from regulation difficulties that require intervention. Here are 4 crucial signs to look out for to identify emotion dysregulation in children:

• Age-Inappropriate Intensity: Age-Inappropriate Intensity: Emotional reactions that are too strong for a child’s age serve as a key warning sign. A 5-year-old having hour-long meltdowns over minor changes suggests deeper challenges than typical developmental behavior.

• High Frequency: Frequency matters too. Daily emotional explosions that disrupt family life, school attendance, or peer relationships indicate more than normal childhood emotional development. When outbursts consistently interfere with daily functioning, professional support might be needed.

• Slow Recovery: Recovery time provides another important clue. Children with typical development usually bounce back from upsets relatively quickly, while those with regulation challenges remain dysregulated for extended periods. They struggle to return to baseline emotional states even after the triggering situation resolves.

• Cross-Context Occurrence: Context also helps determine severity. If emotional outbursts occur across multiple settings - home, school, and social situations - this suggests systemic regulation difficulties rather than situation-specific responses.

Physical Symptoms That Accompany Emotional Dysregulation

Raising an emotionally intelligent child means understanding that emotions show up both in their behavior and in their physical responses.

Sleep disturbances frequently occur, with children having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing nightmares. Their nervous systems remain activated, making rest difficult even when they appear calm.

Digestive issues like stomachaches, changes in appetite, or bathroom difficulties often accompany emotional stress. The gut-brain connection means that emotional dysregulation directly impacts digestive functioning in many children.

Physical complaints without clear medical causes - headaches, muscle tension, or general "feeling sick" - commonly occur during periods of emotional difficulty. These signs are genuine and reflect the body’s natural reaction to emotional stress.

Changes in energy levels also signal regulation challenges. Some children become hyperactive and restless, while others withdraw and appear lethargic. Both responses indicate that their emotional systems are working overtime to process difficult feelings.

Recognizing these interconnected signs helps parents understand that emotional intelligence in childhood involves supporting both emotional and physical well-being as children develop crucial self-regulation skills.

Moving forward

Helping children understand and manage their emotions is one of the best investments you can make in their well-being. By recognizing emotional milestones and supporting healthy regulation, you lay the foundation for stronger relationships, resilience, and lifelong mental health.

Want to go deeper? Learn how to teach emotion regulation to children with practical strategies, or follow us on our socials for emotion regulation tips for kids and adults.

Don't forget to subscribe to receive your free emotion regulation toolkit!

References: 

1. Moehler, E., Brunner, R., & Sharp, C. (2022). Editorial: Emotional dysregulation in children and adolescents. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13, 883753. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.883753/full

2. https://www.simplypsychology.org/prefrontal-cortex-development-age.html

3. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/limbic-system

4. Spear LP. Adolescent neurodevelopment. J Adolesc Health. 2013 Feb;52(2 Suppl 2):S7-13. doi: 10.1016/j.jadohealth.2012.05.006. PMID: 23332574; PMCID: PMC3982854. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3982854/

5. Wilson-Mendenhall, C. D., & Dunne, J. D. (2021). Cultivating emotional granularity. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 703658. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.703658/full

6. Bates RA, Militello L, Barker E, Villasanti HG, Schmeer K. Early childhood stress responses to psychosocial stressors: The state of the science. Dev Psychobiol. 2022 Nov;64(7):e22320. doi: 10.1002/dev.22320. PMID: 36282746; PMCID: PMC9543576. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9543576/

7. Qazi, Sadia & Hussain, Iftikhar & Nizamani, Murk & Nizamani, Mehak. (2024). Exploring the Impact of Teachers’ and Students’ Emotional Intelligence on Classroom Dynamics, Behavior Management, and Learning Outcomes. Journal of Policy Research. 10. 290-298. 10.61506/02.00345. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/384432371_Exploring_the_Impact_of_Teachers'_and_Students'_Emotional_Intelligence_on_Classroom_Dynamics_Behavior_Management_and_Learning_Outcomes

8. Buhler-Wassmann AC, Hibel LC. Studying caregiver-infant co-regulation in dynamic, diverse cultural contexts: A call to action. Infant Behav Dev. 2021 Aug;64:101586. doi: 10.1016/j.infbeh.2021.101586. Epub 2021 Jun 9. PMID: 34118652; PMCID: PMC10314734.https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10314734/

Additional resources worth looking into:

Emotional Dysregulation in Children and Adolescents: https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.883753/full

Prevalence and correlates of emotion dysregulation among children and adolescents in Lebanon: results from a National Survey: https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-024-06169-1

Data and Statistics on Children's Mental Health: https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/index.html

Common Mental Health Diagnosis in Children and Youth: https://www.acmh-mi.org/get-information/childrens-mental-health-101/common-diagnosis/

The importance of emotion regulation in children and youth – and how to assess for it: https://www.hogrefe.com/uk/article/the-importance-of-emotion-regulation-in-children-and-youth-and-how-to-assess-for-it

Developmental and emotional milestones 0 - 18 years: https://inourplace.co.uk/developmental-and-emotional-milestones-0-18y-leaflet/